i lost the only good thing in my life
September 24th, 2011. It started as a happy day, because it was our 7 months engaged anniversary. We were going out for dinner. I was going to shower after he was done. But he was in the shower longer than usual, and didn’t answer when I knocked on the door. There I found my fiance, lifeless and never having showered. Shower was still running. I called 911. I started cpr. He was already dead. When the paramedics came, they shot him up with adrenaline to start his heart. They shocked him. They intubated him. Right in our hallway. Rushed to the hospital. Had to wait in the waiting room for a couple of hours waiting for his parents to make the drive from NJ. They wouldn’t tell me what was happening because we weren’t married yet. They wouldn’t even tell me if he was alive or dead. Finally, I was allowed to see him. He was in a coma, lost a lot of oxygen to his brain, and was in very critical condition. Like this he remained on Earth for 4 more days. I didn’t leave him. I kept telling him to stay strong and fight. But early Wednesday morning, September 28th, 2011, Trevor William Faurot couldn’t fight any longer. I held him in my arms, hand on his chest, feeling his heart slowly fade away forever. When he died, I died. Not physically, but mentally and emotionally. Everything that made me me, is gone with him. He’s my soulmate. My chest feels like it has caved in; like there’s just empty space inside of me. I can barely walk. I have to force myself to eat. I can only sleep when my body gets so exhausted from being awake that it just collapses. This isn’t going to get easier.
Trevor, I love you. We were supposed to be in Florida right now, saying “I do” and laughing and smiling and returning home Mr. & Mrs. Faurot. In my heart, always and forever, I am your wife, and you are my husband. We will meet again one day, hopefully sooner than later, because I can’t do this without you. My life was nothing special before you. YOU made it special. YOU are the reason life was worth living. Now, you’ve been taken away from me and I don’t know what to do. I wish I could build a time machine and go back, and save you. You were my sanity.
